who's my mom?
by Charm the Dragon slayer
Summary: joan: charm's took it upon herself to answer Cartman's question about his mom...and she threw us into the world of SP.
1. CAT FIGHT!

A/N: Charm: so, you guys remember those 3 episodes of SP when Cartman's mom had tampered with the DNA test and turned out to be a hermaphrodite? Well, after hearing Cartman's question " 'Well, if she's my dad, then who's my mom?' ", I took it upon myself to answer his question. So, who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it: Mrs. Crabtree? Sheila Brovfloski? Mrs. Marsh (I forgot her first name)? we'll see! Joan: by the way, she's added me and herself to the story. Charm: we're going to get M. Night Shamalan on you fools! What a twist!

"Who. The hell. Are you?" Cartman and 3 other boys were looking at the 2 strange girls standing beside them casually at the bus stop. The taller of the 2 introduced them. "This is Joan and you can call me Charm." Joan spoke up. "Nice to meet you guys!" Charm was dressed in some emo-gothic Hot Topic clothes and had her black parka hood was done up so you could only see her blood-red eyes. Joan, obviously the more girly of the 2, was dressed in a frilly, pink sweater. "Oh, holy mother of crap, Joan! You look like a freaking cupcake in that damn sweater! Makes me want to barf my guts right on that god awful ensemble of pink!" "Oh shut _up_, Charm! ! At least I don't look like a freak!" The 2 girls started fighting until the burlier of the two, Charm, ended up straddling Joan on the ground. "WOO HOO!", shouted Kenny, "Cat fight!" Charm abruptly stood up, walked over to Kenny, and slapped him sharply on the face. "Goddamn pervert!" she muttered under her breath. Then the bus came. "SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!" shouted Mrs. Crabtree. "Shut your fucking face!" yelled Charm. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" "I said, my cousin got took down with a bottle of mace!" "Oh. Ok." "Ha-ha, stupid bitch…" "WHAT WAS THAT?" "I said, for Halloween, I'm going to be a witch!" "Oh. Ok." Charm and Kenny sat in the back of the bus, laughing their asses off. " I'm sorry, no one introduced us. I'm-" "Oh, Joan and I both know you. You're Kenny McCormick, the poor boy, then there's Kyle Brovfloski, the Jew, Stan Marsh, the cynic, then Eric Cartman, who deserves an award for being the biggest lardass I've ever seen." "Ooooooookkaaay…." "But, from what I heard, Cartman **ROCKS** Lady Gaga's Poker Face."

Charm: Okay many of you may have questions. Joan: WHICH YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF THE WAY FIRST! Charm: Jesus Christ, *turns to fanfic audience* Look who's PMS ing! Joan: 0_0…o/o…. SHUT UP!

Charm: ok, first question!

Why haven't you been online for a while?

Answer: our dumb step dad didn't pay the internet bill until a few days ago.

Are you gonna continue your other stories, including this one?

Answer: well, duh! Of course I am!

If you have any other questions, or perhaps a story idea or two, feel free to send them in by reviewing! Review lines are open and operators are standing by!


	2. flirting demon gets turned down

A/N: JOAN: sorry Charm can't do the opening credits. The only thing she can do right now is this! Charm: WOOOOOOOO! GO TACOON! FURI KURI! OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT! ANIME RULES! WE DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK! WE WILL GET TO YOUR QUESTIONS IN THE FOOT NOTE!

Kenny's pov

Ok, I admit it. It was sort of stalkerish when Charm told me she knew all about the me and the guys. But, I was sort of fascinated by her. Like, today in class, for instance. It was pretty funny. Today, they introduced themselves. Turns out they're twins, even though Charm's taller. Anyway, they went and chose their seats. Joan chose a seat between Stan and Fat-Boy. There was an available seat between me and Damien Thorne, so I decided to act like the little, perverted gentleman I was and offered it to Charm. It didn't occur to me that she might not wanna sit next to the Anti-Christ. But, she did, and found it quite cool that she was, surprisingly. So, during one of Mr.(?) Garrison's rants about what "tossing the salad" means, Damien decided to play sly dog and flirt with Charm. "Oh, my devil! Are you hurt?" he asked her. "No, not really. Why would I be hurt?" "Because, I swear you fell from Heaven just to be with me." "Whoa, hold your four horsemen*, demon!" she looked shocked. That look of shock quickly turned to a look of anger and disgust. "You may think that the entire female species will swoon over a stupid pick up line like that, and I admit it, most girls will, but only the really stupid ones. And I'm talking about all the blonde, ditzy girls out there. But I will not, will_ never_, swoon over such a stupid pick up line. Good day, sir. Good day, and have a pleasant tomorrow. I'll pray for you, Damien Thorne. I'll be praying you get nut cancer!" and then she walked out. "Oooooooo! You'd better get some ice for that burn, Damien." said Mrs. Garrison.

*it was a Bible joke. I don't mean to offend. It's just I thought since the four horsemen were usually associated with the end of days, and since Damien is supposed to rule Armageddon when he's sixteen, I just had to associate the two things.


	3. slumber party gone wrong

A/N:charm: so, like yeah, i'm here with chapter 3. enjoy.  
> charm's pov<p>i HATE Bebe. if i had the chance, i would decapitate her, burn her body and dance around the fire, then take her head and mount it above my fireplace so i could look at her dead, mutilated form and laugh! why you may ask? because she is a coniving little...<br>UGH! she's what Cartman would call a super king kamehame biotch! she's a smaller, different version of Kyle's mom!KYLE'S MOM!  
>so here's what happened. i was listening to Mrs. Garrison rant to Cartman that whenever he gets angry, storming out of the room shouting,"SCREW YOU GUYS, iM GOiNG HOME!" will NOT make him feel better, when Red, a friend of Bebe, invited me to a sleepover at her house. i said "okay." she giggled then said "see you there, Charm!" i went that night to the address. i had night vision that went with my red eyes, so if there was a power outage, all the other girls would be screwed. what i didn't know was that the girls were plotting against me, because for when i got inside, all the girls were waiting and when i got in all the girls spit on me.<br>but, what they didn't know was someone was going to go to the ER that night. during the spittake, i grabbed the nearest girl, i think her name was Heidi, and threw the bitch against the wall, shattering her arm, her hip bone, and her collar bone, letting her lay there in a puddle of her own blood. i let the other girls soak that up then asked "Who else wants to spit on me? huh?" "bring it, bitch!"  
>shouted Wendy. " oh, i already brought it! i brought it, sat it down on the table and opened it! ask Heidi over there!"<br>then i stormed that was it!  
> joan: all i have to say about this is: DAMN!<br>we don't own SP. 


End file.
